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This week in news, a man paraded around Times Square in the nude with a sign that read, Karen I miss you". I don't think he's getting her back anytime soon. Also, the nation's top scientists have brought the tyrannosaurus rex back from extinction and bred it with a chicken to create a super-sized livestock animal. Check in tonight to hear about the human baby who mysteriously flew in from the cosmos. Also, we will be illegally streaming a pirated copy of All Pigs go to Heaven.

Sports!

In sports, the New York Blackberries pumbled the Toronto Night Roaches 1,097-2. Also, next week's superbowl is canceled due to a planet destroying asteroid heading towards Earth. Enjoy your last week alive everyone and Barbara, I don't love you anymore. You stay classy New York.

Check out this page about pandas. Pandas are more important than humans so we'd like to showcase them. Without pandas our entire ecosystem would collapse so let's all stay informed on them. Also, I sleep with a stuffed panda at night and so should you to reap the health benefits! Pandasrcool!

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